My First

     Since I have no followers yet I'd like to welcome myself!!! I've come about this site from visiting my good friend and coworker Suzanne's blog. I've always been undecided if I wanted to create one. On one hand I'm a very open person and on the other hand I'm extremely private. The older I get the more open I seem to become. Maybe it's because I'm not worried as much about being judged. Maybe it's because I've learned how to leave the past in the past. Maybe it's because I've learned or am learning how to deal with the past. I'm going to dig waaaaay down deep into the depths of my psyche to make this exceedingly honest so those who choose to follow get a glimpse of me they hopefully never saw before. Perhaps they will learn something. Perhaps they will like this. Perhaps they will hate this. Regardless, I hope they keep reading.
    To be judged. What does it really mean and why does it really matter? What is so important about someone else's opinion of you? If you change yourself to influence the persons opinion is it really an honest judgement? If you choose not to reveal something about yourself is that the same thing?
    I used to write. I used to love writing. It was my way of getting all my insides out. My brain never shuts up. I love questions and I love asking questions. Questions make you think just a little deeper. The question "why" is the best. It doesn't allow you to just settle and give up and just accept any answer.
     I stopped writing and I'm not sure why. I used to use writing as an outlet but I think I found something else to use as an outlet. I'm sure that "something else" will come out in later blogs. My past is what I try to hide the most. I'm 29 years old and I'm still dealing with certain events from my past. I haven't truly gotten over them and perhaps the fear of being judged and hiding it is whats keeping me from getting past my past.
     This first blog is probably all over the place. Again....the worry of being judged is clouding my brain and I'm trying to find the courage to be exceptionally honest. The worry of my parents reading it or my brother or my boyfriend or coworkers. But that's the point of this right? Shouldn't they be the people that know me best? There I go with my questions again.
     Bear with me as I try to figure out this site and how to place things where like pictures etc. My main goal is to bear my soul for whoever reads this as well as learn some things about myself.  I would love to hear comments and any question I ask and you have an answer to or an experience related to it or if it makes you think of something and ask another question, I'd love to hear it.